Relationships require a tremendous amount of work, and in my opinion once the initial rush wears off, the real courtship begins.
You all know what I’m talking about, starry-eyed and no faults to speak of. The oxytocin has carried you into a state of bliss.
A lot of people equate this to “love,” but is it? Is love a feeling, or a bond forged from two people fighting to overcome obstacles? I prefer the latter, but what do I know?
If you read the last entry you know that I have been in recovery mode from this past surgery. This has given me too much time on my hands and the amount of Netflix I have binged should give me diabetes. In all the shows I’ve watched, nothing disappoints me more than the portrayal of relationships.
Drama rules tv. I’m not talking about reality shows, but the hit shows everyone watches. To some, watching boy x date girl y is exciting. You watch them fall hopelessly in love, the man changes everything about himself for the woman, or is a dick and runs off with someone else (I’ll cover that later). And the story goes on and on and on…
Maybe it’s just me but I hate the picture it creates. It gives a false example of what love really is and what a relationship should be. A relationship should not be judged based on huge romantic gestures and changing each other’s lives to fit individual needs. It should be about finding someone you care about, helping each other reach new goals, and setting realistic expectations for one another. With that said, individuals change overtime but for the betterment of the couple.
As the show goes on and the relationship begins to become stale, healthy couples begin to seek affection or sex from partners elsewhere. Instead of building a firm foundation, they build their house on the sand.
I get it, it’s tv it’s not real life. I am well aware, but too often I see this same disastor take place with people I know. I have friends who want nothing more than to fuck and move on. I have acquaintance who talk to others behind their girlfriends or boyfriends back and openly tell me about it. What the fuck?!
Believe me, not all relationships can be salvaged, not all are meant to work. But in my opinion, we give up to easy. We loose the rush and look for a greener pasture.
I said this blog is about myself and my journey of self-examination. As I reflect on my previous relationships, I can say I’ve put in the work, I’ve never cheated and the fact I have to list that as an admirable trait is appalling. That should never be a worry for any relationship. Even though I am loyal, I’m not perfect, there are things I need to change about myself to make the next woman I date happier.
For myself, I know that I have a hard time doing the small things, holding hands, giving a million kisses, saying how I feel, and showing great enthusiasm. I’m not wired in that way and I demonstrate my feelings differently, but I’ve come to learn that stepping outside of what I want to do can mean the world to that other person.
I’m not one to open up and that was a big factor I danced around before starting this blog. In a relationship however it’s the complete opposite, I spill everything, my fears, my hopes, it’s all there.
I struggle with abandonment. The people I’ve had in my life that I love the most have always left. It started with my father when I was younger and has since progressed into other aspects of life. Factoring that into the equation, when I find someone I really care about I fight tooth and nail to make it the best it can be, even if I’m in a loosing battle. God knows I’ve been there.
That is probably why things like this annoy me so much. I don’t understand how people find someone who is good for them and throw them away for the next fuck. I see couples like my two friends who have been together 5 years and are now engaged. When I’m around them they are happy, and build each other up. I’m not a jealous person but I’m jealous of him. I want someone in my life like his fiancé that I can build a life with not someone I buy a drink for and never see again.
I know there are many in the same boat. Facebook is filled with angry posts about exes and how they have been cheated on or jaded. It’s generally woman, and I think that is because men aren’t as open about it, or their buddies take um to the bar to get laid. It’s sad that it happens and we tell each other it’s for the best to find someone new, but wouldn’t it be for the best if we all stepped back and looked at what we have?